If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
