that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
