We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
