all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
