if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
