This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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