after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
