his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
