where am i from again
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
