my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
