hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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