Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
