How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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