Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
