I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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