If that was your dad, he is hot
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
