I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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