OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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