I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
