Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
