I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
