First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
