I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
