Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
