Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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