Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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