So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize