i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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