Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize