"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
