My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
