sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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