do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
