The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
