If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
