I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
