i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
