I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
