please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
