I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Sorry my hands just texted you
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
