I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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