I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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