I murdered the dance floor call the cops
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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