SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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