what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Randomize
