well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
