I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
