If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
