i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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