i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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