I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
