Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
