He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Even my vagina gasped.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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