Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
