if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
