I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
