the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
