Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
