Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
