im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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