Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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