In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She needs sedatives and a leash
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
