Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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