Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize
