mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize