I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I understand Curling. That high.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
