Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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