Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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