Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
