:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
