You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
