She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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