I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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