He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize