Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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