but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize