Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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