8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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