Pappa wants mamma naked
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
